Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
what day is it and did you see me today?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I deserve this hangover.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
