the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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