Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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