Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
