Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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