there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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