My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize