I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
