Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
