this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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