I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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