Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just pee around me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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