We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
