You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
