So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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