How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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