We're like a lot better than the average bears
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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