I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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