So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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