im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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