I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
