his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
