if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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