I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
