i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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