Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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