Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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