She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
