i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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