That's when you crack a 10am beer
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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