How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
