I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
ttyl tear gas
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
