Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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