If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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