I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize