so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
