someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
