I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
