just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
