Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
