The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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