Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
