Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
