We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
