He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
