I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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