we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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