Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
