Can i not drive my cunt home
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
