I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
