Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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