ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
