My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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