she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
