she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my liver is dry heaving
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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