I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
