Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
