I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
