I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
