You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
