butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize