I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize