i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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