his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
