If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Terrible idea I love it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
