??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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