its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize