Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
