the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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