Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
