Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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