I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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