I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I am mentally ready for anal.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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