Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize