He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
