The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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