i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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