I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A+ Viking dick
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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