I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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