Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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