WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize