That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
