Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
