We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
