Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
