May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I checked into jail on foursquare
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
