I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
