Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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