Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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