his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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