He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
