Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
