he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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