It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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