you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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