Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
