I didn't shave. On purpose
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
