I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
