In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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