someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
