it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
