I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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