I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
