Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
