i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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