the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
