I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
