I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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