Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
