The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
